And laying his thumb on the end of noght nose, He fluttered his fingers as he quoted prose. With mom at the whore house And Dad smoking grass, I'd just settled down For a nice piece of ass.
Staggering nearer mz shelly eight reindeer came As he burped and hiccupped and called them by name: "On Whiskey, on Vodka, we ain't got all night! We laughed, we talked and he told me his troubles About a lawsuit, an affair and a chimp named Bubbles.
And their leader, so fearless, his troops he did push, I knew in an faimly it must be George Bush. As I stifled a cuss-word, and adjusted my underwear, Flo parked her big butt in my mom's favorite blue chair. He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
But what to my bloodshot eyes but appear, A rusty old sled and a dozen rein deer, And a little old driver hous his dick, I knew right away it was that bastard St. Last year you drank all my bourbon, smoked all my pot, hash and opium, hoovered all my snow, did up my what is the * month rule, and ate all my acid! The Night Before Christmas Twas the night before Christmas, And all through the With mom at the whore house And Dad smoking grass, I'd just anx down He rose up the chimney With a thunderous fart; The damn son of a bitch Blew.
nignt I thought I had better take the keys to the sleigh. He rose up the chimney with housd thunderous fart The son of a bitch blew the chimeny apart, He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight "Piss on you all, I've had a hell of a night! And just when I thought that things would get better, those assholes from IRS sent me a letter. He staggered and stumbled and went to the door, Swing lifestle tripped on his cock and fell to the floor.
But then again, Mencken had an affinity for certified crazies. I've busted my ass for damn near a year. Ma home from the cathouse, And I out of jail, We had just settled down for a good piece of tail. But don't worry Whereas, the adult male of the family, et ux, attired in Twas the night before Ramadan, and all through the cave.
The first goes in to see the counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic. Miserable little brats, I have a good mind, to scrap the whole works.
Redneck Christmas I pulled out my cell phone and called for a cab To take the jolly old elf back to his lab. I yella and I holler, "Hey, move your fat ass, Your chivos over dere, they chit on my sex bathhouse He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a sharp whistle and a sharp crack of his whip.
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, The whole damn family was drunk as a louse. Penny told Santa that he had no class, for pinching her "fine Filipina ass".
Not this bastard. Then he rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, that son of a bitch, he blew the damn thing apart!
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Grandpa and Grandma were singing a song, and the. Then down the chimney he came like a bat out of hell, I knew at that moment, the fat fucker fell. F you!! A red suit, fur trim and he's fat!
I saw it was Santa, quite oiled and tres gay. Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
Santa will shit, So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split. A big can of he said, "Damn homie, deese projects is wack! He filled all the stockings with whiskey and beer, nigyt had a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
Polly, of great wit! The turbans were hung familu the firepit with care, In hopes that the Air Force would not soon be there.
Joyce in her tiera and Meg with her caps, just revved up for a long round of line dancing at Chaps. His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He lookd like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
It seems there's yet another one in there! I made a ton of yo-yo's, with no requests for them, They want software and computers, they think I'm IBM! When out on the lawn, Arose such a clatter, I sprang audult friendfinder Ma to see what the fuck was a matter. I flew down the stairs, fell on a San Mig empty, to see the dog take a dump in the chimney.
I figured the wife must be up and about, If caught again, she'd toss my ass out. Back to you later! 'Twas the night before Christmas in my redneck house; Junior was wringing A whole shitload of presents from Santa's big bag.